Thursday, December 5, 2013

Way too much hot cocoa.

My shipment of yarn came in!

This is what $50 of yarn/fiber looks like, by the way.

It's my last Senate meeting of the semester. Because I'm sentimental and my fellow senators are generally pretty fantastic people, I'm making hot cocoa from scratch for everyone. It's not yarn, but I'm gonna share the recipe/instructions complete with stupid step-by step pictures.

Step One: Get a step stool because all of your baking ingredients are on the top shelf. This is because you're super smart and put them all up there.

Now that you're sure you don't have to go out and buy more crap, you google search that recipe you always use and modify it for about 20 people. It's this one. One thing though! I do something that makes the recipe 100 times better: I add almond extract. Almond extract makes every single baked good taste better. I promise.

Dump about a cup of cocoa and a cup of water into a good sized pot. Dump in three cups--wait, recipe. Three cups? Yeah. Three cups of sugar. Realize you need more water so precariously add more water and see if it looks good. Should look like thick swampy brown mud water.

Let it simmer but not too much as that would scorch the chocolate.

Slowly add 14 cups of milk.
Measure out 7 cups of milk while hoping that nobody's vegan and realize that it looks like 7 cups is about a third a gallon of milk. You might be adding the whole gallon.

At this point it looks hot chocolatey.

Realize you've burnt your finger somehow? When? On what?
 Who knows, you're super clumsy.

Add another two cups because you're impatient.

Decide you're really impatient and get another pot to start heating up the rest of the milk.

Decide not to because if you did that, you'd have to clean another pot.

Realize you've had the temperature at medium this whole time and turn it on full blast because screw this "on medium heat" bullshit. You want to be at Senate on time.

Realize you may have put too much milk in this pot to be able to comfortably dump the hot cocoa into your Bubba keg.

Also realize that you are wearing a dress.

You grab an apron.

You also realize that an apron isn't going to protect you if you dump an entire pot of hot cocoa on yourself but you try to keep your false sense of security.

You taste the hot cocoa and realize there isn't enough cocoa so you add about a half cup more. Mixing cocoa into milk is horrible. Squish the chunks into the side of the pot, thus splashing some onto the cooktop causing a sizzling, burnt cocoa mess.

The cocoa appears hot enough. You pretty smoothly transfer the cocoa into the Bubba keg. The recipe says to add two cups of half and half. You agree, because you love fattening cocoa.

You taste the hot cocoa and drip some onto the floor and know that you need to add more milk. You also add more half and half to the heating pot because why the hell not.

Your Bubba keg is now mostly full of hot cocoa so you seal it and plan to guard it with your life.

You think you're done but you forgot to add the vanilla and almond extracts.

Crack open that Bubba keg and dump in some vanilla and almond extract, hoping no one has a nut allergy.

Now you're done.

Taste test your cocoa and remain content with it. Now pack it up and drag it to Senate.

The end!

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